There are so many memories that come to mind, when I think of mama. Through every life stage, I’ve had the privilege of enjoying mama’s company. Starting with when I was three or four and playing with his hair and making multiple small ponytails; to the more serious “adult conversations” we’ve had, I cannot help but wander down memory lane and enjoy it.
Mama was unique in how he expressed his love for the family. One such unique way of expressing his love – and I think everyone who knew him would agree that once he knew what someone liked, he remembered it. I remember the rose milk and badam milk packets that he would buy for akka and me whenever we went to their place because we liked it. At one point, we would also get this treat each time he visited us at Anna nagar. The “dinners he cooked” (which meant food bought from outside) were always delicious and included what each of us liked too :). Above and beyond this, are the conversations we enjoyed as family during these times together.
I also used to love walking into mama and athai’s house and listen to the music mama had playing on their audio system. Mama’s music collection was lovely and I remember hearing nostalgic stories or memories he had of some of these songs.
Another very fond memory I have of mama is from the day after Cedric annan & Paulin akka’s wedding. We the cousins had a separate room for ourselves. Mama joined us and spent the afternoon with us, as we were instructed to “rest”. While we all rolled on the floor trying or pretending to rest, mama also came and lay down on the floor, beside me. That day was the first in many to follow, when I heard stories from mama’s childhood and his young adult years.
Between 2015 and 2018, there have been many times when I had to stay alone while amma and appa travelled. In all those times, I was always told that I could go to stay with athai and mama whenever I wanted. While I tried to be independent, I decided to take them up on this offer, late one night as I was feeling very alone at home. I called athai past 9pm asking if I could come. Of course, I was not turned down – though I felt horrible for disturbing them. I was still a few meters away from their house when I saw mama waiting at the gate for me. He wanted to help me park and get in safe as it was late. I felt terrible and kept apologizing to which mama very coolly told me, “I’m usually awake till 11 or 11:30. So you’re not late or disturbing us at all.” I stayed with them for the rest of the time amma and appa were away that trip. And I loved that I could feel at home away from home.
A more recent memory that I hold dear and will continue to hold on to, is from the time we spent together in Daph akka’s place in December 2020. It was a much-needed break for all of us. While it’s one of many mini breaks/vacations we’ve spent together, this one was special because it was nice to be together despite the pandemic around us and because it was Rufus’ first vacation with the family, in this manner. Rufus thoroughly enjoyed mama’s company as they watched cricket matches together and discussed stuff about it that didn’t make sense to me. I guess Rufus truly met his match in someone who watched test cricket as much as him and enjoyed it – (probably the two biggest fans of TEST cricket). I also particularly treasure this break because it was simple, yet as a family we enjoyed the small things, from conversations, to playing card and board games to food and being together.
From mama taking me on his bike, his jeep and his car to then me having the opportunity to drive him around, I can say I have loved the ride of life with mama, and count it a privilege.
I have always hated goodbyes. From as early as I can remember my life, avoidance was my strategy to hold back the sadness I felt when it came to saying goodbye; even when I knew I was going to see someone in just a week.
That is how I felt when I had to leave to go home after visiting with athai, mama, akka and annan. I was probably three or four years old?! This is when mama came up with a unique way of getting me to say bye rather cheerfully. He waved a finger and said, ‘One finger bye!’ That stuck on. After each visit, the number of fingers used to say bye increased. We also then randomly started assigning the numbers we liked to say bye. Well, it was mostly two or three fingers; and this continued into my adult life – till the last time we saw mama, when he visited us, at our home (Rufus and mine in February 2021).
As I think of mama today, I miss him and feel sad. I’ve avoided recording this tribute for as long as I could. There are so many memories that have been flooding my mind. These memories bring back more precious memories; and I am reminded of mama’s love, his cheerfulness, and his incredible sense of humour. I can’t help but smile at that, because I know his radiant demeanour, is now, his everlasting reality.
One finger bye mama, till we meet again!
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